Slogans
First of all, with all the celebrity hating and point/counterpoints being thrown around, I propose we work towards a "Celebrity Issue" of the tank for our first outing (if we get an official home on the web, that is)
Second, I'm putting out a call for new slogans. The old Tank slogan, "We handle the stories other papers won't touch with a ten foot pole," is fantastic...but it's from another time, a relic of a bygone era. I want to hear some ideas. Tossing a few out there...
"The Tank is Law. You are Crime."
"The Tank: Kaleidoscopic Maximalism"
"The Heart of a Lion; The Brain of a Journalism Robot"
"Edward R. Murrow Ain't Got Shit On Us"
"We Report so You Don't Have To"
"Fair and Balanced News, starting in 2026"
Second, I'm putting out a call for new slogans. The old Tank slogan, "We handle the stories other papers won't touch with a ten foot pole," is fantastic...but it's from another time, a relic of a bygone era. I want to hear some ideas. Tossing a few out there...
"The Tank is Law. You are Crime."
"The Tank: Kaleidoscopic Maximalism"
"The Heart of a Lion; The Brain of a Journalism Robot"
"Edward R. Murrow Ain't Got Shit On Us"
"We Report so You Don't Have To"
"Fair and Balanced News, starting in 2026"
4 Comments:
Wasn't the old slogan that the Tank would lick those stories? Here's a few more candidates:
"The Tank: Washed-up twenty-somethings trying to relive college."
"We may not be funny haha, but we're definitely funny weird."
"Sober analysis from drunken slobs."
"The lovechild of yellow journalism and toilet humor."
Jeff, you're right...we were LICKING the stories, while you were merely reading them and jocking us. NEVER correct me in public again.
PS: don't you mean "Not Funny Ha-Ha, Funny Queer"? ...I mean, that's the line from Sling Blade that you're stealing, why paraphrase?
Some other variations on a theme I thought about while I was on the can:
"The Road to Hell is Paved With...The Tank"
"The Path of Excess Leads to...The Tank"
"Two roads diverged in a wood and I...I took The Tank"
"You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool...The Tank"
You get the idea ...
Sorry Burns, didn't know you were so thin-skinned. Next time, I'll have Scott correct you in private with a roll of duct tape and a pair of stiletto heels.
As for my kick-ass slogan, I've never seen Sling Blade. That shit was right off the cuff, so don't let me catch you ripping it off or I'll whine about it worse than Youngner. And that's how it's said where I come from, which is pretty close to where you come from, so you ought to know. Regarding your new slogans, which are all ripoffs and unabashedly so, they're not bad. I can't really see any of them being tattooed on my scrotum, though, which is the only criterion that I'm judging by.
If you're so busy that the only free moment you have to spare on this stuff is your toilet time, maybe you should resign your post as administrator. Or at least devote your whack-off time as well.
QUICK TANK TAKES
"The Tank: News from the Refuse"
"The Tank: Back Up Off Deez Nuts"
"The Tank: Ride or Die"
"Veni, Vedi, Vici ... The Tank Rules, Bitches"
"When you're hungry for knowledge, choke on The Tank"
"Get off the road or The Tank will run your ass over"
"Eat my giant rod! Love, The Tank"
"Mo Money, Mo Problems"
"Looks Like a Duck, Walks Like a Duck, Sounds like a Duck, It's The Tank, mother fucker!"
"Ain't no party like a Tank reading party"
"You scream, I scream, your momma screams for The Tank"
"God Bless The Tank: It's His Favorite"
"Semper fidelis"
"Read the Tank, you Dumb C"
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