The Washington Bureau Weighs In

MEDIA BLITZ FOR TRUTH
New action group shows its tit in response to their tat

Washington, DC -- Attacks on John Kerry’s war record by the Republican-linked veterans group “Swift Boat Veterans for Truth” have been taking their toll on Kerry’s candidacy, according to a new LA Times poll. But another political action group has stepped up to defend Kerry’s qualifications to serve as the next commander in chief.

The “Common Sense Americans for Common Sense” (or c-Sacs) will unveil a media blitz of television and radio advertisements next week, leading up to the release of their own book to counter the Swift Boat vets “Unfit for Command.” The Tank has obtained advance copies of the ads and the one-page book, entitled “Way More Fit for Command Than the Other Guy.” It is printed here in its entirety.

-------------------

EXCLUSIVE: “WAY MORE FIT FOR COMMAND THAN THE OTHER GUY”

“John Kerry fought in a war for his country; George Bush didn’t.”

------------------

“The Swift Boat veterans have brought a number of charges against John Kerry, saying that he exaggerated his accomplishments and didn’t deserve his purple hearts or his bronze and silver stars,” says C-Sacs executive director Tantivy Mucker-Maffick. “Our book deals with each and every claim against John Kerry’s war record, and we think it makes a pretty compelling case.”

Georgetown University’s Roger Mexico, an professor of political media and Bush Bashing, agrees. “Besides the detailed rebuttal of each and every argument that George Bush is a better commander of our armed forces because there’s some sliver of doubt about the extent of Kerry’s wounds, ‘Way More Fit’ relies on undeniable facts instead of the shaky memories of aging white men with Post Traumatic Stress disorder and Napalm Poisoning. There’s no getting around the obvious truth here.”

To promote the book, C-Sacs will air a series of 5-second TV ads with the same message. The ads feature the disembodied head of Abraham Lincoln, who says that John Kerry served in Vietnam and George Bush did not. “Extensive focus group studies show that America trusts Abe Lincoln, dead or alive,” says Mucker-Maffick.

But one man who hates Abe Lincoln is Captain Tyrone Blicero, chief propaganda officer for the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth. “This ad and this book are completely disingenuous. We served with John Kerry, although not on the same boat and not all at the same time,” says Capt. Blicero. “We were there, although it was a long time ago and the vast majority of us went on record approving his medals at the time. For C-Sacs to bring up a trivial distinction between Kerry and our President, who allegedly served in the Texas air national guard when he wasn’t busy with other very presidential things, is preposterous.”